Just about two years ago this month, my dad got a phone call from his brother in another state. There had been an accident. Two weeks prior he and my aunt got in an argument. My uncle wanting to move the car in the driveway accidentally put the car in drive instead of reverse. My aunt was caught between the house and the car. She was OK, but had undergone several surgeries. The recovery was going to be long and hard. My uncle was distraught. He didn’t know what to do.
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Everyone has that one relative (outside their parents) that they tend to lean on. For some it is a cousin, maybe a sibling, or a distant relative. in my case, it was my fun, loving and carefree uncle. We never lived close to each other. Actually, we never saw each other much. He was in the military for most of my childhood and traveled often. It was well before the age of cell phones or free long distance calling, so we didn’t even talk on the phone often. As a child, I probably wrote him letters and I am sure he sent the yearly birthday card. Maybe that is what made it special. The short time we had together, we had to make it special. When I graduated from high school, my parents had a great idea. They sent me to the middle of the country to spend time with my fun uncle. It was my first plane flight and I was super excited. (Looking back on this trip I think it was my parent’s way of convincing me to NOT go to senior week at the beach.) Two weeks with this guy I didn’t know much about. And they had a pool. Those two weeks were magical. I had a new sense of freedom being away from my parent’s watchful eye. I learned how to play pool. I learned darts. We traveled around and saw lots of interested, new sites. It was a great week. While I was in college, we would talk a lot on the phone. Many times it was after midnight from my dorm room closet. We talked about boyfriends, classes, football – whatever. He was my buddy.
We would see each other a few times while I was in college. He was there when I graduated with my engineering degree and completely supported me in my efforts as I started graduate school. After graduate school, he was so excited to be by my side watching as I got married. Except for things were different now. He wasn’t himself. It turns out he was diagnosed with bi-polar disease. And he didn’t like to take his medicine. With the excitement of wedding activities, it didn’t end well. He traveled back to his home state without seeing me walk down the aisle.
Our relationship took a while to heal after that. Like everything does over time, we were able to heal. Our relationship did change. I was now an adult. But I still loved calling him and talking sports. He still was my rock.
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My aunt and my uncle don’t have any children together. I had some time that I could go out and help make sure they were settled after my aunt got out of the hospital. I arranged for a wonderful rehab facility. While I was out there, things were not adding up. My uncle was once again not himself. And my aunt was very angry. She told me she wanted a divorce. She couldn’t handle the bi-polar disease anymore. She couldn’t handle the excessive spending. I could tell that my uncle’s medicines were not right. I was able to get him to his primary care physician. In the short 72 hours I was there, I was able to start getting him on the right path. My aunt was all settled in rehab. I arranged for weekly calls with her doctors. I planned on traveling back in about 6 weeks.
Caregiver Musings 